


Once Upon a Normandy Christmas

by erunamiryene



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Christmas Party, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gift Fic, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-05 00:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erunamiryene/pseuds/erunamiryene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Normandy family gets together to celebrate Christmas with a party and a gift exchange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon a Normandy Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This is set the christmas after the end of Mass Effect 3, after the destroy ending but using the Mass Effect Happy Ending Mod because I like EDI and the geth, dangit.

Millicent Shepard looked around the party, which was in full swing. “At least the Reapers didn’t ruin Christmas,” she said as Garrus came up beside her and handed her a cocktail. 

“Very true. This party was a great idea; I think most of us don’t know what to do with ourselves now that we’re not fighting, well, _someone_.”

Shepard nodded. “Well, I think now’s a good a time as any to kick off the present-giving,” she said, making her way to the Christmas tree, which was sitting in the piano’s regular spot; the piano was pushed up against the window. Next to the tree was a long table covered in presents of all sizes, wrapped in every color in the rainbow. “Okay everyone! Now that you’ve had some time to mingle, and eat … and drink,” she grinned, raising her glass, “how about we exchange presents?”

James, Jack, and Steve were the first three into the living room, with Liara, Aria, Tali, and Sam right on their heels. Zaeed, Javik, Wrex, and Grunt made their way down from the upstairs balcony. Ashley, Miranda, Kasumi, and Samara were next, with Jacob, Joker, and EDI bringing up the rear. Everyone piled onto the couches, drinks in hand.

“Well, since I’m up here, I guess I’ll start,” Shepard grinned. She turned and hunted through the presents on the table, producing a gold envelope. “My giftee was Zaeed.”

“Oh hell,” Zaeed chuckled as he got up and headed for the front of the room. He took the envelope and opened it. “A … lifetime supply tokens for Castle Arcade,” he said, looking at a smirking Shepard as the room burst into laughter.

“So you can win more than one prize,” Shepard grinned. “And don’t need credits from me to do it.”

“You’re a goddamn asshole, Shepard,” Zaeed replied, then laughed. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

Shepard bowed, plucked her drink off the piano, and went to her seat. “Go ahead, Zaeed.”

Zaeed pulled out a small package wrapped in dark blue. “Well, I got Wrex, and since he recently decided to settle down,” here Zaeed made a face, “I got him what every man in that situation needs.”

“Booze?” Jack called, to general laughter.

“Nah, Wrex is on his own for that,” Zaeed answered. He handed the wrapped parcel to Wrex, who’d made his way to the front of the room.

Wrex tore the paper off and tossed it in the same general direction as Zaeed’s discarded paper. He guffawed as he held up his present. “How to Keep Your Woman From Killing You in Your Sleep,” he read aloud. “Are you sure Bakara didn’t pick this out?” He tossed the book toward his seat. “Guess that makes it my turn, right? Well, I got Liara, and knowing how she is, I knew exactly what to get her. “ He looked at Liara, who was making her way toward the front. “Even though she probably already knows what I got her ‘cause she’s so nosy.”

Liara shook her head. “I am not nosy, Wrex. I’m simply good at what I do. But I promise I didn’t find out what you got me.”

“Sure, asari. Sure.” Wrex grinned and handed her a package wrapped in green and gold. 

Liara opened it, revealing a datapad. She activated it. “A history of the krogan!” she exclaimed excitedly. “This is fantastic! This is … “ She trailed off as she scrolled through, then looked at Wrex. “'This is written by Urdnot Wrex, Greatest Living Krogan',” she read, rolling her eyes as everyone else laughed. “I don’t really know what to say.”

“’Thank you, Uncle Urdnot’ works just fine,” he grinned. “Enjoy my stories about how we single-handedly saved the universe multiple times.” He headed back to his seat.

“Thank you, _Wrex_ ,” she laughed. “Now Steve, I got you something you needed!” She picked up the largest box, wrapped in red, white, and silver, setting it in front of her.

Steve approached the box, then pulled off a large swath of paper in one go, raising an eyebrow when he saw what was inside. “You got me a model of the Mako.”

“It’s a model that you can ride on!” she said cheerfully.

In the back, James snorted with laughter. “Maybe this will give you new respect for the Mako, Esteban!”

“That’s the plan,” Liara said sweetly. “I even made sure it had a fresh battery and cleared you to ride around the apartment.”

“I don’t know whether to thank you or worry you’re trying to kill me,” Steve laughed as he took the keys Liara was holding out. “But I promise to take it for a test drive later.”

“You better!” Liara grinned as she sat down.

Steve picked up a small package wrapped in red and topped with a large multicolored bow. “Samara, you are one tough lady to shop for, but I think I came up with something both fun and functional.”

Samara made her way through the crowd. “Now Steve, you know that –“

“As a justicar, no personal things, so on and so forth, yes. But, given how many people probably need justice delivered right to their faces, I figured you could at least have a list of folks you were after.” He handed her the package.

She pulled the paper off, folded it neatly, and laid it on the piano, then held up her present: a small black leather book with “Samara’s Justice Journal” embossed on it in a ridiculously ornate font. “I suppose this is acceptable within the Code,” she chuckled. “Thank you, Steve.”

“I’m just glad you like it,” he said as he sat down.

Samara pulled a large flat package wrapped in silver off the table. “My giftee was Javik.”

Javik came to the front of the room. “At least I know you won’t get me something silly, asari,” he said.

“Oh, never,” Samara said innocently as she took her seat.

Javik ripped off the paper and added it to the growing pile, then stared at his gift. After a long moment, he began to laugh.

“Well, what did you get?” Shepard called.

He held up a caricature of himself, surrounded by all manner of primitives: asari counting on their toes, humans hitting rocks with sticks, salarians eating flies, and turians scratching at the ground like chickens. “This is perfect. I will put it up in my house.” He pulled out a small box wrapped in orange. “James, you were my … what is it? Ah yes, my secret santa recipient.”

“Sweet!” James exclaimed, heading for the front of the room. He yanked the paper off and tossed it in the pile as his face lit up.

“Prothean jokes! You remembered some!” He opened the book to a random page. “Why did the daskeen cross the road?”

“I do not know, James. Why did the daskeen cross the road?”

“Because … “ James paused. “Because primitives smell funny.” He looked at Javik. “You just made all these up, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And they’re all just variations on how primitives are inferior?”

“Yes.”

James let out a big belly laugh. “Well played, my friend. This is awesome.”

“I am glad you find it amusing,” Javik said as he sat down. “Be sure to share them with your friends.”

“Oh, I will! I bet Esteban’s already looking forward to it.”

“They can’t be any worse than _your_ jokes, Mr. Vega,” Steve retorted.

James laughed and pulled a box wrapped in various shades of purple from the table. “Tali’Zorah vas Normandy, come on down!”

Tali made her way forward. “See, Garrus, I can too still walk a straight line.”

“Not for long, at the rate you’re going!” Wrex grinned.

Tali gave him a dismissive wave and turned to James. “I’m excited! What did I get?”

“Well, let’s face it, I couldn’t get you tech stuff-“

“After the way you kicked the crap out of that geth computer on Rannoch, I agree.”

“Exactly. But a little birdie told me about some _other_ stuff you like, so here you go!” He handed her the box.

She tore off the paper and laughed. “A playset of the balcony scene with Bellicus and Shalei … this is even a thing?”

“Now you can act out your favorite scenes!” James said, grinning.

“Oh please, who would really _play_ with them?”

“You would!” Shepard shouted. “What’s that line, again?”

“I think it’s ‘you need another drink so you stop talking,’ actually,” Tali retorted amid laughter from the group. “ _Anyway_ , I got EDI.” She pulled out a box wrapped in pink with an attached card and handed them to EDI. “Merry Christmas.”

EDI opened the card first. 

“Haestrom is red,  
Noveria is blue.  
You’re pretty great for an AI;  
Here’s an AV program for you,  
… You know, so you and Joker have protection.”

“Who knew Tali was such a poet?” Grunt laughed.

“Protection, that’s hilarious!” Joker said, grinning.

EDI smiled. “Thank you, Tali.” She pulled a package wrapped in various shades of red off the table. “My recipient is Sam.”

“I just love getting presents,” Sam said as she reached the front of the room. She tore the paper off and promptly blushed crimson.

“What’d you get?” Liara called.

Sam held up an audiobook. “I, uh, got a collection of bodice-ripper romance novels … read by EDI.”

“Jeff said it would be the perfect gift,” EDI said as the room exploded with laughter.

“Oh, I’m sure he did,” Sam chuckled. “It’s lovely, EDI, thank you.” She pulled out a gold-and-black wrapped box. “Ashley, I got you.”

Ashley came up to the front and opened the box. “… pink armor?”

“Aw, Ash, as I recall you had _quite_ the affinity for Phoenix armor back in the day, and that was definitely pink,” Garrus called.

“It was light red!” Ashley shot back.

“There’s a word for that,” Wrex grinned. “It’s called pink.”

“Okay, okay, fine! I know when I’m beat!” Ashley laughed. “Thanks, Sam.”

“Welcome!” Sam grinned, and took her seat.

“Grunt, I got you the perfect gift,” Ashley said, pulling a black and silver package off the table. “Here you go.”

Grunt came up and opened the box, pulling out a datapad. He scanned it and laughed. “A C-Sec fines fund, so you don’t financially break the commander every time you visit the Citadel,” he read.

“Thank you, Ash!” Shepard called from the back.

“Try not to burn through it in one visit,” Ashley grinned.

“No promises!” Grunt laughed. He picked up a yellow-wrapped box that was mostly covered in tape. “Hey Jacob, I got you a present.”

Jacob made his way up front. “This should be interesting,” he grinned, pulling off tape and paper and depositing it in the pile. “Let’s see, we have a … snowglobe from the Citadel gift shop, a gift certificate to Rodan Expeditions, and a stuffed toy varren.”

“Don’t forget the fudge!” Grunt pointed out.

“And fudge,” Jacob laughed.

“You’re really hard to shop for,” Grunt said. “I had no idea what to get you, and Wrex said I couldn’t dare you to drink a bottle of ryncol and then gift you a hundred credits if you didn’t die.”

“Wrex, remind me to get you a thank you card,” Jacob grinned. “Thank you, Grunt. I’ve been meaning to go to Rodan, anyway.”

Grunt sat down, looking very pleased with himself. Jacob pulled out a flat square velvet box topped with a purple bow. “My giftee was Kasumi.” He looked around. “This may be a silly question, but has anyone seen her?”

“Here I am,” she said, materializing next to him and taking the proffered box. She shook it experimentally, then opened it, looking intrigued. “Bracelets with bells on them,” she laughed. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

Jacob grinned. “Possibly?”

“Oh, all right. But only because you gave them to me, and only because it’s Christmas,” she said, sliding the bracelets on and wincing when they jingled. Everyone laughed, and Sam high-fived Jacob as he sat down.

“Okay, I got Aria,” Kasumi said, pulling out box elaborately wrapped and beribboned in shades of bronze and copper. “Careful, it’s fragile.”

Aria set it on the piano, removed the paper, and looked in the box. “Hmmm, let’s see. A vintage bottle of Serrice Ice, a bottle of Elasa, and an entire set of cut crystal glasses.” She smirked. “These look awfully familiar. Did you pilfer them from Afterlife?”

“Sure did. But let’s not think of it like that. Let’s think of it like … I was holding them for you until you got Omega back,” Kasumi grinned.

“I’ve been wanting a glass of Elasa for awhile now,” Aria said as she extracted the bottle and a glass.

“Hey now, no drinking that at a happy gathering,” Liara said. “Let’s crack open the bottle of Noverian rum instead.”

“Deal. Bring me a glass while I hand out my present,” Aria said. 

Liara rolled her eyes but got up to get two glasses of rum. 

Aria grinned. “Thank you for this lovely gift of _my_ stuff.”

Kasumi bowed, then sat down.

Aria picked up a light blue and white envelope. “I got Jack.” As Jack stood, Liara came up and handed Aria a glass of rum. “Oh, that's amazing," she said after taking a drink.

Jack opened the package. “A standing offer to come be a bouncer at Afterlife?”

Aria nodded. “It would be greatly entertaining to watch you ruin people’s nights.”

“And faces,” Joker added.

“I agree,” Grunt said.

“Hell, you could probably make a permanent show and charge admission,” Shepard chimed in.

“Shit, if I ever get sick of the Alliance I’ll take you up on this,” Jack said. She turned to the rapidly shrinking group of presents on the table and picked up a box wrapped in red and silver striped paper. “Now, either the universe has a fucked up sense of humor or Shepard rigged this whole thing, because I drew Miranda.” As everyone laughed, she motioned for quiet. “So here you go.”

Miranda handed her drink to Shepard and claimed the box.

“I can’t _wait_ to see this one,” Tali said.

Miranda pulled out a folded bundle of clothes. “Jack, you didn’t.”

“I sure did,” Jack grinned.

Miranda unfolded the clothes, revealing a custom-made cheerleading outfit in black, white, and yellow. “You actually made me a cheerleader costume.”

“What else would I get you?”

Miranda laughed so hard that she had to sit down on the piano bench. “This is the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten,” she finally said as she wiped tears from her eyes. “Thank you.”

“Hey … you know. Don’t mention it,” Jack said, smiling as she returned to her seat.

Miranda pulled an all-white box from the pile. “Front and center, Joker.”

“Oh boy,” Joker mumbled, heading for the front.

“Oh, come on, you’ll like it,” Miranda grinned.

Joker opened the box and pulled out a very large roll of bubble wrap.

“You know, EDI got protection, so I figured you probably needed some, too,” Miranda winked.

Joker laughed. “And here I thought you didn’t have a sense of humor!”

Miranda chuckled. “That was only when I had to work with you on a daily basis.” She took her drink back from Shepard and settled back into her seat.

Joker picked up a bundle wrapped in dark green. “Garrus Vakarian, your day is about to get way more awesome.”

Garrus came up to the front and unwrapped the bundle. “Sticks?”

In the back, Shepard choked on her drink.

“Yeah! So, you know, when you only need a _little_ stick up your ass, you have one, and don’t just have that industrial size one you came with by default because you were born turian.”

“How thoughtful!” Garrus exclaimed. “I’ll cherish these forever.”

“I know,” Joker said as he made his way to his seat. “I’m just that fantastic.”

Garrus slid the remaining present – a large box wrapped in a festive snowman print – over next to him. “Now, the only person left is Millicent, and I _guess_ we should give the commander a present, right?”

Everyone cheered.

“Exactly. Get up here, Shepard.”

She made her way to the front. “Okay, Garrus, lay it on me.”

“Hey now, none of that til we leave!” Miranda called. Everyone laughed.

Garrus handed her the large box. “Merry Christmas.”

Millicent tore the paper off and grinned. “A whole case of peanut butter!”

“Sugar free, and I made sure it wasn’t dextro this time. After the last mix up, I never want to eat peanut butter again,” he said.

“Thank god, now the rest of us don’t have to contribute to the peanut butter fund anymore,” said Joker.

“Right? I was going broke kicking credits into that thing,” Liara chimed in.

“Ha ha,” Shepard said. “I only asked for donations once and that was an _emergency_.”

“Your idea of emergency and mine are two very different things,” Kasumi said, laughing.

“Okay, I get it; you people are relentless!” Shepard said, throwing up her hands.

“Let’s see your Mako, Steve,” Liara said, and just like that the party melted into separate conversations.

Garrus found Millicent in the kitchen, peanut butter in hand and rummaging around for a spoon. “Merry Christmas, Millicent.”

She turned and hugged him. “Merry Christmas, Garrus.”


End file.
